I had my kids when I was young, REALLY YOUNG! When I was with my ex we had our 4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl. My ex was a truck driver for the majority of the time and was away. I had to care for all 4 kids on my own, and it was hard really hard! At times I felt like I was going lose it. He would give me an allowance of 20 bucks a week and I was expected to feed the kids and buy diapers and what ever else they needed which was hard. I had to come up with a game plan that would benefit my children in every way I could. I bought foods that would fill them up and that I could make a couple different dishes out of them, I potty trained all the kids early, and I accepted all the hand outs that my family offered, did this make me feel good NO! I felt like I failed at being the best parent I could possibly be. Therefore I went into a deep depression, at that point I stayed in bed I stopped going and taking my kids to their sporting events, and my Mom had to move in with us to help me care for the kids. Thank God for my Mom!!!
While I was in depression mode, my ex's abuse towards me got worse, at one point I was admitted into the hospital for a severe concussion, hematoma on my brain, and along with 2 broken ribs. My life was in major term-oil. I felt like I was screaming and know one could hear or they just didn't care to hear. I woke up one morning and I packed my stuff along with my kids and their stuff and left I walked out of the only life I knew I was 26 years old with no education other than my GED and no work experience. I had no where to go other than my little brothers house which was no place for kids, but he dealt with it he cleaned up his act for the kids, I got a job at sonic and managed to find a friend that would share an apartment with me. I then found a job as cocktail waitress at a local dive. I made really good money in tips I was doing good as was the kids. We were happy other than the occasional days when my ex would come and harass us. But we were good.Life was great!
Then I get the divorce papers which I filed for. Well that opened a new can of worms with my ex. He started harassing me on an everyday basis, he would follow me around, he would come to my work and wait for me to get off. At one point he cut the brake lines on my car. One week before our court hearing for the divorce, my ex decided he wanted to be with me and went out and bought me a new mini van in all hope he could buy my love, well that did not work. I was done I needed away from him forever.
You all are probably wondering why I am writing this blog well here it is as I have posted in my last 2 blogs my son has come to live with us and is full of questions about why me and his Dad got divorced, and why his Dad says the things about me that he does. So dealing with this I figured I would write about it and see if getting some of this off my chest will help me feel better. So far it has not! Oh well God will help me through it!
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