Life or something like that!

I know,I know I have NOT blogged in I don't know how long........
Anyways my life has been in shambles for the last several months, an absolute mess! Lets see I lost my job about 3 months ago, my car broke down, had a very bad medical scare and I mean bad.

Well my life is not as bad as I thought, we got a house, car got fixed, oh yeah my health is better. WAIT! My laptop is up and running. How could I forget the most important thing of all "Internet Access" other than on my phone. I mean don't get me wrong my phone ROCKS!, but darn it it sure is hard to see what I'm reading or writing for that matter. Scot and I are in love, my kids are happy, the dogs are happy what else can a girl ask for right. Ha just when you thought I would settle for that I'm gonna tell you what else a girl wants, this girl a matter of fact. I want warm whether NOT HOT just warm, I want my bady to stop hurting or at least subside or better yet I'm going to look into a neck and back transplant. I had thought about a whole body transplant, but I like my entire face (I know conceded ha well get over it), and I love my heart and other aspects. Ok so I told myself I would blog amd guess what my eyes won't stay open so we will just call this a breif update on my crazy out of control life........Smooches xoxo

I give up!!!!!

So I have tried and tried and tried again with one of my co workers. It seems like at all times someone has to be on her bad side, why? I have no clue what so ever. I have tried in the past way to many times now to figure her out, but I cant all I can do is Pray for her that she kind find dome happiness in her heart and stop being so angry and confrontational.

Ist day of my New Life!!!

So Sunday 1/16/2011 was the begining of a new chapter in my new life! I joined My Mother, and Bother in church, and I loved it so very much I can not get it out of my mind. I watched my mother cry today and it made me happy not sad, because I knew her tears where for Our Lord not for herself they were happy tears. Even though she is going through a rough time she is still faithful to her beliefs in Our Lord, and this is who I want to be like. I love you Mom you are my Mother, my teacher, and my bestfriend. Love Ya Mom!!!!

People!!!!

It really drives me nuts when someone you know really dislikes you and then all of the sudden they start talking to you and befriending you, when in the long run they really can not stand you. Whatever brush it off and move on but I am one of those people who really can not stand when people do not like me. I have been like this my entire life I have allot of friends and it is very easy for me to make friends. Anyways I guess this is just a vent blog for me today.

To explain myself there is one person that I am talking about we have been getting along Great and just one day she turns on another friend and has now deleted me from all her accounts. Drives me nuts!!!! I am so NOT going to give in to people anymore.

Don't wanna talk just wanna write!

I don't wanna talk I just wanna write. So if you have a comment please write it on my blog or keep it to yourself.
Not trying to be rude, but I am in a relationship crisis, and just need to vent. Not asking for advice, don't need any advice I just need to get some stuff off my chest.

I have been in this relationship for the last 6 years. I went from marriage to basically living with someone within the first year after my divorce. I love him so, he is everything I am attracted to. I still get the thump thumps in my heart when I am away and see him. He is a great father, he tries to be a friend and role model to my other kids. But that is just the thing my KIDS! I had 4 kids with my ex and have been in allot of crap with them and my ex my entire relationship with Scot. at the same time Scot has dealt with allot of crap from my older son total disrespect. Now he has decided that my luggage is to much, and so I understand I have always told him that if he cant hang I would understand, but I have always hoped that our love was stronger than that, but I guess not. even if he stays he will bitch about everything and that will cause a break up and for us to hate each other when if I just move out we could try to still be together for our Daughters sake anyways.

Just sucks to share your life with someone and that someone just give up on you like you were a bad habit that needed to be stopped. He has 2 other kids from 2 other women, and yes they are both 18,but they weren't always I have also dealt with the disrespect and luggage and I have accepted it 100%. Oh well what can you do. Guess I vented not sure it helped but I have work to do so I must go.

Today my Son is 16. I cant believe that my baby is already 16, it seems like yesterday he was just born, or learning to walk and talk. Now he is learning the do's and donts when it comes to girls.


As you all have read my Son and I have been on the outs lately, he has been extremely RUDE to me since before Mother's Day, but of course he has shown his face at this time because its his birthday, and of course he wants money. Hey all kids go through stages, but man it really sucks when its your kid going through it, that is hard.

Him and my other Son stayed with my Mom last night which was really nice that I had the night off. I decided that I was going to celebrate the birth of my 16 year old, I mean HELLO I am the one that had to give birth to that beast of a child weighing a whooping 9lbs 15oz, 23 inch's long. I should be the one that receives the gifts. Anyways I had 4 glasses of wine and boy it was sooo good! I woke up this morning with a headache from hell, but it was all worth it.

I guess tonight we will be taking My Son to the artichoke cafe because that's his all time fav, and later I will give him his gift of $350.00, which me and my family were able to scrounge up for him, but damn I wish I could give him like half of that and keep the rest for myself, but I don't think that will fly because my Mom and Dad know just how much was given. Besides that's just mean, but I'm broke. Would it be mean to pay for Dinner with his bday money. Slap my hand, I guess I better behave. Peace out peeps!!!!

I need a Genie in a bottle!

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! Today is payday and I am very stressed, once again my check is not enough to pay my rent. I am so tired of worrying about things why can't I just go to work, pay my bills and enjoy my family life?????


I feel bad for Scot because he is out of work which is the main part of why we are so broke, but he is disabled and is unable to work at this point. He goes to a specialist on Monday and I hope they decide to do the surgery ASAP so he can either get on SSI or go back to work. I know he is feeling like he is worthless right now, and I don't want him to feel that way because he helped me while I was out of work and in school. Now I feel like it is my turn to help him, but I just don't have the mends.

Now we have another mouth to feed, and I just feel like I'm getting NO WHERE FAST! GRRR so frustrated! The thing that makes me so upset is that I have a very wealthy family, and when I ask for help which is hardly ever, I get turned down. Now if one of my cousins ask for help or need a new car they get it with no questions asked, they all drive new high end cars and I drive a falling apart jeep that is running on its last leg, and to top that off its not even mine its Scot's.

I have just excepted God into life, and my Mom keeps telling me that my life will get better. I just wish I would go to bed with a shitty life and wake up with a better life. I'm not saying I'm not blessed, because I am very much so when it comes in the form love, there is plenty of love between my kids and I and Scot. I know life comes with struggles, and I have accepted that, but will I ever get a break. I just decided that I am going to find that second job, but I already feel overwhelmed as it is. Scot is refusing for me to get that second job, but I have no other option my credit cards are maxed out, I don't have the money to add a loan bill. I just don't know what to do! I wish I had a magic lamp to rub and make my 3 wishes, but I don't and I will never have one so I need to figure out a new plan.

It is so hard to work and concentrate on my job when all I can do is worry about if I am going to have a house for kids to live in. At the rate its going now I will be homeless in no time. I guess I Should not say that! Now I am not sure if I am going to be able to go to church on Saturday with my friend because I don't have the gas to get there. How sad is that I cant even go to church because I don't have money for gas. I swear this is bad and it seems to be getting worse.HELP!!!!!!